Pokemon started out as a game boy game in 1996. Religion started out as a way of keeping people in line with a common recipe of golden rules and guidelines shortly after language was developed. Already, I can see why the two would be mortal enemies. At some point, some religions broke off and started applying some fiction about invisible magicians that waged a constant war with humanity as the pawns. This isn't a problem, until certain factions started to forget that it was really just entertainment. The nit-picking starts, and pretty soon you have conventions where acclaimed fanboys sift and gloat over the accidental points found between the lines. It's worse than a Kirk vs. Picard debate. The biggest problem is that there's no sound scripted media of these stories, it's pretty much all interpretations from a series of books that have so many translations that you may as well run it through about 19 bablefish cycles since it won't make much of a difference. I see the finer points of having organized religion; keep the kids in line, make them afraid of the invisible sky wizard, help them tolerate the horrible prime time television set list, and of course teach them community values (if your religion cares about that sort of thing). Oh, don't forget the money, religion's like the pimp with the juiciest hoes. Everyone likes a go getter.
It's the stories, however, that folks seem to get stuck on. Along the way, someone decided demons existed (although they were probably just seeing Orcs). These invisible demons someone told children what to do, and offered great powers to those who wielded them. I'm actually disappointed that a demon or two hasn't offered me great powers at a nameless price. Come on, why was I left out?
Pokemon, of course, are normally cute little brightly colored creatures that live in peace with humans. At the age of ten, boys and girls go out into the wild to catch pokemon and go on adventures. There's something like a dozen types of pokemon, ranging from Fire, Water, Grass, Metal, Psychic, and a handful of other elements. I shouldn't have to explain this, if you have any soul, you've caught at least one hundred and fifty of the little things, but you befriend your pokemon, and decide of the six you take with you at any given time are well-rounded enough to handle any encounter. Do you fill your roster with a mixed bag, or are you just packing a sextuplet of Bidoofs? The game is strategic, much moreso than most games geared for the younger generation, and of course, the last thing we want our children doing is thinking.
Unfortunately, because there's a few faint similarities between religion's fiction and the Pokemon franchise, it's very evident that Pokemon are created by Satan, and are murdering 900 million children every day. I've played many incarnations of the Pokemon game, and I've never learned how to shoot fire from my fingertips. Those scary, demon-powered video screens are radically demoralizing society and keeping us from enjoying someone else's religion.
A final note, from the video… 'and now the Internet!' I think the Internet started out this way, buddy.
