Christopher Lynk has some words to say.

Celebrating Not Being 30, Part 27

It's time for the world to shut the doors for a few days to celebrate the birth of the most widely inspirational man ever to walk with the shepherds.  Go ahead, roll out that red carpet, drop to your knee, and jazz-hand to the sky in a spastic prayer, because it's my birthday.  

Celebrate it hard.  Come on, drop some shots into some other intoxicating beverage and drink it all down before it becomes corrosive enough to cure an entire elementary school of Swine Flu.  I want to hear people blast DVDA out their windows (and turn off that Black Eyed Peas crap!).  Knock off all this lame, boring 'celebrating' you do for St. Patrick's day, Independence Day, Hanukkah, New Years, and Super Bowl Sunday.  I want million-man marches.  Consume the streets with your sweaty, fleshy masses and party like your local shaman just brought fire to your furless tribe for the first time ever during a full moon after a thunderstorm.  Dance, you scared little monkeys, dance!

Everybody knows that all holidays were invented just to pregame for November 24th, and if you don't know it, you're missing a page or two out of your tome of life.  This is the day where it's socially acceptable to lose your house in a bet, drive your car into a bog, throw up on your neighbors cat, and tell your girlfriend she isn't as pretty as Felicia Day, all before passing out at about 10:30am.  Today is the day that the Crips and the Bloods play grab-ass, the only day out of the year that Gamestop will give you a reasonable price for your used games.  If it weren't for November 24th, we'd be forced to learn a Metric time system

Tell me how you plan on celebrating this glorious day.  I'll assume if you don't respond, the concoctions of volatile liquids put you down earlier than you had hoped.


Lynk
Written on Tuesday, 24 November 2009 00:00 by Lynk

Viewed 209 times so far. Like this? Tweet it to your followers!

Rate this article

Latest articles from Lynk

  • Fiction Vs. Fiction posted on Thursday, 10 December 2009 21:15

    Well here we are folks, the big fight is about to begin. The Champion, in…

  • Celebrating Not Being 30, Part 27 posted on Tuesday, 24 November 2009 00:00

    It's time for the world to shut the doors for a few days to celebrate…

  • Where'd Lynk Go? posted on Saturday, 17 October 2009 14:12

    I promised myself it wouldn't come to this. One of the most irritating blog-related faux-pas…

  • The Human Centipede posted on Tuesday, 29 September 2009 23:39

    This planet has some pretty cool stuff on it, am I right? We've got ant…

  • The New Toy posted on Monday, 14 September 2009 19:52

    If there's one icon that represents me besides the accordion, newsboy hats, Hawaiian shirts, green…

Latest 'tweets' from Christopher Lynk

  • My dream totem is an iPhone 4. If it gets full bars, I know I'm dreaming. #inception Link Wednesday, 28 July 2010 16:53
  • Michael Fenson is in the hizouse! Link Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:22
  • Thank Thor there's Chinese take out right next to the gym. Link Monday, 26 July 2010 13:05
  • No cavities. Link Monday, 26 July 2010 04:53
  • The World will never know. http://ow.ly/2dJfy Link Monday, 19 July 2010 15:58
blog comments powered by Disqus