I sit here, on the eve of Christmas, the eve of some day that according to the television means joy and presents and family-togetherness and tormenting burglars in lethal but comical ways.  I’m at my parents’ home, a place that has, at many times, felt like a prison.  I brought my Xbox 360 and Nintendo DS with me just to entertain myself.  I have no cell phone service, which assists the overall feeling of detachment from civilization.  I quadrupled the RAM in my mother’s computer just so it was tolerable enough to type the words you read now.  Working feverishly from my thumb drive, running portable versions of Firefox and Open Office, slightly concerned about the flickering lights.

Thank goodness for autosave.

Where was I?

Christmas is, well, strange.  I understand it as an economic holiday.  I don’t see the point in celebrating some guy’s birthday who in absolutely no way has affected my life, except perhaps help me provide content for this blog.  Digressing, there’s something that hurts my teeth about Christmas.  I take it for what it’s worth, I enjoy the giving of presents, and I enjoy standing in line returning those sweaters that are just plain hideous on the 26th.  These days though, Christmas is strictly business masked with motivational posters and pieces of flair.

My family goes to great lengths to both generate and destroy whatever Christmas is.  You’ve got the types that are very selective and provide wish lists to fulfill a greater quota, while other folks offer you no clue.  I, personally, am not the later, and being a techno-weenie, would never accept a gift that doesn’t review well.  Megablocks instead of Lego bricks?  Come on, really?  It’s like going to a fine restaurant and asking for government cheese on your filet mignon.  Before I compose my Christmas list, I need to dedicate a few hours a day to review and rate my desires, running budget reports and holding council with Cnet.com users.  I almost envy those who don’t want anything.  Since I selfishly place follow-up calls to my Christmas lists, I feel I represent the easiest party to shop for.

I wonder if Santa tests products before shipping them.  When the iPhone rolls off the elf assembly line, does he question why it cannot Copy/Paste?  Does he review games and straight to DVD movies?  Does he just assume every child will be happy with all of the crap he delivers?  It’s a tough world out there, and the market is not in a good position for the giver; you’d better do it right the first time.  Benchmarking is extremely important, and I hope there’s an entire elf department dedicated to it, just for the big guy’s sake.  This puts a whole new meaning behind the isle of misfit toys.

So I will awaken tomorrow, eat some chocolate-chip bacon cookies, open up presents that I already know full well about.  There are no surprises, and while that almost leaves peace in my heart, I am curious as to what my family actually thinks I like.

I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas, and for all of you who don’t believe that Lord Jesus of the Bethlehem “Cougars” Varsity Hockey Team is your savior, or you feel that Santa is an offensive religious figurehead, or you simply hate cookies, cheese and presents, go continue to be miserable.  I’ll be right here playing Guitar Hero.